I'm not the kind of mother I thought I'd be...

When did I realize that I am not the mother that I thought I would be? I think it might have been sometime when someone asked me how my routine of motherhood was with my little Hunter.

"Routine?" I said, "What routine? I just do what he wants, when he wants."

I never in a million years would have dreamed that that would have been my response to that question. For those of you that don't know me that well... the answer I'd imagined would have gone something like....
"Well, Hunter sleeps, in his crib, through the night and gets up at 8:00am for breakfast, then he is awake and happy until I feed him again at about 11am. Then, he has a three hour nap and eats again when he wakes up...." Yeah, right! Hunter does sleep through the night, unless for some reason I wake him up when I roll over into him.... Uhhh, pardon me, you ask?

Well, let me explain. My son is a little bit of a wuss. Anything less than a queen-sized bed and he doesn't really sleep very well (there are exceptions of course). I shouldn't complain, and I'm not. I am just sharing that I have spent more nights curled up beside my little boy than I thought that I would. Mostly it is because I fall asleep nursing him before I put him to bed, at around 11pm. Yeah, you know you are getting old when you can't make it to midnight anymore... So, last night I woke up when I felt him beside me at 3:45am. So, I put him into the playpen (his makeshift crib while we are shacking up with our parents') sure enough, no sooner had I crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over my head and closed my eyes... he woke up. So, I did what any good mother would do (ha!), I let him cry. It wasn't a really desperate cry, just letting me know that he was more comfortable in the bed with me and Justin. Sorry kid, you need to learn that your bed is not the one in which you find your parents. Well, he woke Justin up, too, and ended up back in our bed with us. Hmmmm... when am I going to break this little habit? I've even thought that perhaps we should just save some money on a crib, a kid bed, etc.. and just buy him a queen-sized bed right now! What could it hurt?

It's funny how a child can train his parents, isn't it? All those routines that I thought that I would have - out the window. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him and he knows it! The other day he was crying on the couch, where I had sat him for a moment (Hmmm, I am making it sound like he cries a lot, he doesn't). He was crying his "Please, Mommy, come and smile at me, I'm lonely and bored without you" cry. I don't hear that one very often because he is happy to occupy himself staring out the window or kicking the stink out of whatever is in his reach. But, he was crying his attention cry and so I gave in. Sure enough, I walked in the room, said "Hey buddy, what's up?" And there, on his little face, was the slyest little smirk. "Mom, I got you!" How do you explain "I know, Hunter. I know you got me. I just love you so much that I am willing to stop whatever it is I might be doing just so that I can look into your eyes, smile and see you smile back at me with your smile that tells me you love me, too."? Really, it's I who win!

I am so blessed to have such a marvelous little man! It's great that he hardly ever cries and that he wakes up smiling and happy to see me in the morning. It's also great that he smiles, laughs, talks, and all the other great stuff he does. He is an amazing baby and I am so thankful for him. I can't believe that I am so loved that I have been blessed with this life to help mold! Thank you, Lord, for the most incredible gift!