Old timers = First timers? (or Justin's Wordy Post)

I once had a friend that could fart on command. He lived his whole life with this "enhancement" and I think that it secretly gave him confidence. Well as it turns out, I have a "better-than-average" ability too:



I can always pick the line in any department store that will take the longest time that is humanly possible (my power has become so strong that I have to let Elizabeth pick the lines in stores so that we appear as normal, mild-mannered citizens).

So there I was, minding my own business in the local Walmart, trying to buy a little car-plug-in-pump-so-you-don't-have-to-pass-out-when-you-blow-up-your-dinghy-thingy,

while my wife and son waited out in the car (he was sleeping - DON'T TRY TO MOVE HIM WHEN HE IS SLEEPING). So I find the right gadget and I'm headed for the checkout line. A cold sweat breaks out, as I realize that my wife is in the car and I am without her line picking savvy to allow me to appear normal (it was hot outside and Walmart always keeps a frosty chilly temperature in their stores, so maybe the cold sweat was from that)!

No sweat, right? All I have to do is choose a line that looks short and stick with it... You see, too often do I regretfully switch lines, only to end up spending more time in the store than the part time clerks. Anyway, I eye up an innocent looking line like I have found a pearl among swine. A grin spreads across my face as I line up behind the only other customer in the line, who is done having his items scanned!! (too good to be true!)

Though the old man seemed to be reaching near fossil age, he was holding together remarkably well... besides, I like old people, I find I can relax and communicate better to them because they have a natural fear of us 'yung-uns.'




In a flash, the Debit Card is whipped out!
*SWIPE*
"Uh, sir you have to put that card the other way" <-cashier
*SWIPED*
"No, sir, um... you still need the black stripe to go through the machine"
*SWIPED-ED"
"Um.... here, sir.. this way"
"OH OK... "
*old man laughs* ... *long awkward pause*
"... Uh.... it says to hit OK... where is the OK button?"
*another long pause, but not so awkward*
"oh... thats the big green button"
*pause...BEEP...pause*
"oh, sir, now it's asking you if you want cash back"
*pause...BEEP...pause"
"now you choose the amount of cash you would like..."
"oh... I don't want any cash back"
*laugh ... BEEP(cancellation beep) ... SWIPE .... oops SWIPED... laughs*
-moments later--
"ok sir, this is where you choose your account"
"what's that?"
"um... just push chequing"
*BEEP*
"and now you enter your pin"
"How much was it?"
"You bill is 54.27"
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP" (5, 4, 2, 7)
*pause.... BEEEEEEP (pin error beep... )
*SWIPE.. oops ... SWIPE*
--moments--
pin error ... again...
"sir, do you know your PIN? its your secret code to your card..."
"OH... "
*laughs*... SWIPE





Sigh... I sure know how to pick em... As the old man leaves he turns to me and says, "well, at least I know what to do next time!" It's funny how someone with a positive attitude can make a situation that would drive me crazy into a situation at which I look back and laugh. And not to worry, my wife and son were not melted to their seats in the car when I got back, but I swear Hunter grew another 2 inches.